Seven Quick Takes: Newlywed Edition!
(or “How to make sure people don’t think you’re pregnant”)
One thing I’ve learned over the years is that people (family and friends) don’t like to give you any time in a new stage in life before they start asking when you’ll be moving on to the next!
No sooner than you get a boyfriend and people are asking about a ring, you get a ring and they’re pestering you about the wedding, the wedding is barely over and “When do you think you’ll be having kids?” Sheesh people!
As a newlywed, I’ve had to start thinking about these things and after a grand total of about three months, I feel myself qualified to tell you all of the things NOT to do during the first few months post-wedding in order to keep those silly rumors from flying.
Don’t admit tiredness.
Because pregnancies require a lot of energy, if you’re tired it must mean you have another human growing inside you already. It’s not like you just planned one of the most time-consuming events of your life or could possibly be doing anything else that might make you slightly exhausted.
Nope, you must be having a baby.
Don’t wear baggy clothes
When planning out your wardrobe, make sure to avoid wearing anything that could possibly be used to conceal a growing belly. Choose nice, tailored outfits that can’t be misunderstood as potential early pregnancy outfits.
This means no stretchy skirts, slouchy sweaters or empire waist dresses.
Don’t mention any recent weight gain.
And after that all bets are off! Who am I kidding, I stress-ate for the last month before the wedding. And now I’ve got a few extra inches that could use some work. But I’m just going to have to keep that info to myself.
Talking about putting on a few extra pounds is a big no-no. Particularly if your extra weight is around your midsection. Do not under any circumstances mention that you’ve been eating too much junk food lately, these will be interpreted as pregnancy cravings!
Be cautious with your pinning.
I know, that adorable grey chevron nursery design will be just perfect for whenever a little one does come along, but resist the urge to go baby-crazy on Pinterest.
If you just can’t resist, take some precautions by mixing the baby related pins in with other non kid related things and make sure to pin them to a board titled something like “Someday but not today” or “Ideas for the future” or “I SWEAR, I’M NOT PREGNANT YET!”
Don’t get nauseous.
Nausea is strictly reserved for the sick and the pregnant. If you are not one of these two things, don’t even think about it. Everyday smells like trash and raw meat and other things like that are perfectly normal and should not have any effect on your stomach whatsoever.
Unless you’re pregnant.
Don’t talk about ‘big news’, ‘announcements’ or ‘finding out’.
These words and phrases are triggers for baby thoughts. Even if you’ve managed to do all of the above, the mention of these words is enough to make the most sensible mind jump to conclusions.
It happens to be right after you get married.
Don’t leave two carseats from work in the car that you drive to church on Sundays.
Okay, so maybe this one applies only to me, but it’s still good advice. Having a job as a nanny can result in actions which raise a lot of questions so be aware of how things appear. But also be aware of how trying to explain yourself might result in exactly what you’re trying to avoid, starting rumors!
In all seriousness, I look forward to the day when I can happily answer yes to all the people who ask/assume/jump to conclusions. Until then, I’ll do my best to keep people from thinking things…even though it probably won’t work.